• Monica Montanari

Adulting Adventures: November 26, 2019

Guys, life as an adult is so exciting. Instead of deciding what you're going to wear to homecoming or who might ask you on a date, you're trying to decide between Advil or Motrin for the splitting headache you've had since 2pm. I've realized that when parents ask their kids "so, what did you do at school today?", it isn't just to create conversation. It's because they desperately want to hear about something going on in this world other than the monotonous day-to-day of their job. By all means, tell me about Vicky and her boyfriend Stewart and how Brittany is creating chaos in History class because honestly, this is what life has come to:

 

Today, my drama of the day was trying a new kind of soup. Sure, I could make peanut butter and honey like usual, but I was really feeling like going out on a limb. Today's the day to take one of those cans of soup out of my secret stash and see what the wild side of life is like.


Yeah. That's how exciting adult life is.


Anyway, my mother and I had picked up this curious concoction on our last grocery trip together, and the debate had been swirling in the back of my head for, I don't know, four days now? Can Steak & Cheese soup be good? I wondered.


I got up the courage to take that sucker to the kitchen, open it up, and turn it upside down and wait before I heard a noise like a bubbling garbage disposal. With that, out of the upside-down can came a plethora of odd shapes- all coated in a thick, cheese-ish looking sauce. Okay, it can't be that bad, I thought to myself.

I finished plopping the remainder of the strange mixture into a bowl, and then put it in the microwave. For good measure, I put a paper towel over the top. Thank God I did.


One minute in. Things were making slight popping noises and a little bubbling. But by two minutes, the microwave had to be stopped before it fully rejected this exploding bowl of crap. Fine. I took it out, I cleaned out the microwave, and I noticed its pungent smell. Not a good one. But hey, lots of things smell nasty that taste good, right? I can't think of any examples right now. Maybe that should've been a sign to me.


Proud of my endeavor to try something new, I carried the bowl back to my desk, stirred it around, and gave it a try. One bite, and I wasn't entirely repulsed. But with each passing spoonful it only grew worse and worse, until finally the taste was just too much to bear. I texted my mother, betrayed by what had been a simple, cheery experiment gone so wrong.


I will often say that something is "ass". My family loves it when I say that something looks like ass or "wow- this tastes like ass". Purely by estimation do I use that phrase, I'm happy to report. But this was on another level. "It tastes like if someone threw up, except through their ass, into a bowl, and you heated it up and now you're eating it." Exact words. I have no other way to describe the experience I just endured.

 

Moral of the story: don't try Steak & Cheese soup. I don't care how good Campbell's makes it look, don't you fall for it. Unless you like the taste of barf. Then be my guest.


Stay tuned to see what next adventures adulting brings. I have a way of being entertained by even the most mundane of things- so now you get to take part in it, too.